Self Development
The Story of “Stuff”
I remember well after my parents died that someone remarked about how lucky I was to inherit their stuff. That was way back in the early 80’s and I still recall how I felt. My parents died 90 days apart so my feelings of emptiness and loss were intense.
I was taken back by the comment. Yes, their possessions were linked to them because certain things were filled with wonderful memories for me. Stuff cannot help replace people. Each person brings a new dimension and place in the world. My parents taught me values; they taught me how to laugh and endure trials. Somehow it was a difficult for me to process this comment while I was grieving.
In honor of my parents, we gave many things away. A bedroom set was given to a family who had foster children. A small freezer was passed on to a niece of my mother’s who asked for it. Pots and pans and kitchen items went to a cousin in need of them. Things went to my friends and church. Mom would have liked that. A portrait, desk, photos, and personal possessions I kept. I sent a stool to my brother, since he had made it for them and sent him photos too.
In the years that followed I worked in a resale shop. Brand new things came in that weren’t needed. Things that were abused and mistreated also came in. Some boxes were filled with moldy, wrinkled and overly used clothes that no one could use. I didn’t understand that. And then there were the things that families donated after the death of their loved ones. Beautiful things that no longer brought comfort to their families could go on to help others.
My husband regards things as a source of comfort just by their presence. Things once helped him bring back memories after a memory loss. He doesn’t buy anything unless it brings him joy. He also finds parting from stuff is difficult. Knowing what things mean to you is part of understanding who you are!
Fast forward 30 plus years. I am blessed to have much stuff. Stuff that helps me run an office. Stuff that makes our home functional. Stuff that I share with my children or give to others. And I do enjoy it, but not in place of people or of the relationships.
The modern world has taught us to be consumed with materialism. We replace things that still work to buy different colors or styles. We buy new radios because the adapters don’t fit our current technology. Is it any wonder why our younger generations want the latest I-pod, cell phone, or computer? We have endorsed staying current and keep having to update our Operating Systems to avoid security breeches.
Today as I rearranged my office, I looked up the definition of stuff. It read, stuff is “a person’s belongings, equipment, or baggage.” Another meaning was “things in which one is knowledgeable and experienced; one’s area of expertise; he knows his stuff and can really write”. So yes stuff can be mental too. Wisdom that is packaged!
As I get older, I find that lots of “stuff” is baggage and I give away things whenever I can. Somethings remain very special. I keep a folder of thoughtful notes from people. Photographs and things that helped make our family traditions, I keep. There are things I’d like to see passed on the the next generation. History and family stories are excellent!
Have you thought about these things?
What stuff do you have to share?
What kinds of “stuff” bring you happiness?
Who do you like to share these things with?
Do you label things you want to pass on?
Do you journal for the next generation?
Onion Skins
Onion Skins
How sensitive are you to criticism?
The children were all playing when one of them got pinched by a little boy! Of course, he ran away quickly. Suddenly the tears began to flow on the little girls face. Bullying can happen at any age and it hurts. Sometimes children learn to be tough and pretend that it didn’t hurt, but it really does. As it turned out the little girl talked with her mother about the little boys behavior and got healthy ways to deal with it.
The way the adult in charge handles small children can help. In this case the little boy was corrected and the little girls feelings were heard. Sometimes one may still feel unheard after trying to explain. As children endure bullying or being picked on, they can also take on the same behavior if it isn’t addressed properly. Feelings may be left to fester or be painful.
That is also true of criticism. Whether it is constructive, or not, it may sting. That is especially true when one has put great effort into a cause and it comes out all wrong. These incidents may not related to being a child. Similar things happen in adulthood. Work, community, and volunteer settings provide places for hurt feelings too. One’s efforts to improve situations may go unnoticed.
Onion skins are delicate and fall apart easily. If torn off quickly there are the onions juices that are ruptured and cause tears. If you think someone you know is thin skinned, do you egg them on or help them out? Do you criticize and label them? Or do you take the time to talk and share ways of handling situations? We are after all responsible for helping one another succeed in life. What goes around comes around and you may be the next one needing help. Embrace one another in loving words and kind examples. Be consistent, kind, and genuine.
Onion skins can be beautiful
When one does not feel appreciated, they may drop out of the scene. Have you ever felt unappreciated? Has your boss criticized you unfairly? Has an instructor given you a backhanded compliment that hurt? Has someone else been given credit for your contributions and left you out on a limb?
How does a person deal with these feelings? Is there a channel to vocalize a feeling of neglect? Are you stuck in a hard place because the HR department or school you are in make it difficult to voice a legitimate gripe?
People who are sensitive are often unjustly called “onion skinned”. I heard an older lady label one of her friends that way. I felt for the person being tagged and tried to speak up for her. I am not sure that even registered with the lady making the comment. Often people are insensitive and judgmental.
Hoping this brings a few questions your way for you to journal on today. Have a good one and “delight in living”!
Variety is “The Spice of Life”
The delightful colors make food inviting!
Variety is the “Spice of Life”
Whenever we ate, Mom always offered us foods of different colors. A brightly colored fruit, a yellow or green veggie, a protein, and a carb would be served. I recall our plates of food looking inviting and tasting great.
A tasty potato, a plate of noodles, homemade bread, and rice varied with the main dishes. We were encouraged to try different foods, engage in preparing dishes in different ways, and spicing things up with seasonings.
As we got older and ate at friends homes, we graciously learned to enjoy their gifts of dinner to us. The mini miracle of “joy” blossoms by having food to nurture us every single day. I can smell the aromas of fresh breads baking and vanilla in the cakes my mother would make. What blessings we are given and take for granted until we cannot taste, smell, or have foods available to eat.
As I traveled, I could see how areas around the sea offered seafood and the areas where prime land offered wonderful fruit assortments. A few years ago I began to relish a love for vegetable soups after visiting Portugal. In Ireland, potatoes are served everywhere. In Malaysia the seafoods were superb because they were fresh and wonderfully prepared. In the European countries, rich ethnic foods were complimented with wines, liquors, and beer. Again the people experienced “joy” in their companionship of eating with one another.
Dad would tell us to have a variety of friends. Keep in touch with everyone! He loved people and encouraged us to do so also. Make lots of friends and learn what makes them thrive and succeed. People bring joy to one another by sharing and good conversations.
Keeping on top of things calls us to have a variety of interests. Trying music, the arts, sports, hobbies, and activities keep us interested in life and interesting people as well. In Poland, the children were encouraged to sing, play the piano, or take up any musical instrument. Joy filled sounds seemed all around from the concert hall to the downtown Square where people shopped and interacted. I had a dear college friend who came here from that country and was a walking embodiment of talent.
In schools here, we are offered opportunities that can help us develop gifts. The gift of singing carries many career choices like teaching the arts, performing, and/or participating in community musical productions. We are encouraged to think about “what we want to do when we grow up”. It can be a daunting choice or one that comes naturally. A “joy” filled decision.
Knowledge flows from one to another through books. Read a variety & keep learning.
We are exposed to hockey, basketball, volleyball, tennis, swimming, or many other sports. These keep us healthy and connected with others. We learn to be team players and keep our “feel good chemicals” flowing. Joy emerges!
We are exposed to math, science, art, history, and languages that can spread like wildfire to create well rounded professionals. Students are our future doctors, pharmacists, and researchers. We encourage our youth to share by joining the ranks of librarians, teachers, and mediators. We have those to become lawyers, community leaders, and politicians.
Whatever you do, keep variety in your life. It provides great joy. Delight in Living!
The Old Game of “Telephone”
The Old Game of “Telephone”
Do you remember the old telephone game where one individual says something into another persons ear? They in turn repeat the message to another person. The message goes from one to another around the room until it comes back to the one who began. It is a great way to point out how we really listen and interpret what we are told. Little changes in wording can turn into BIG ones when the message is finished!
It amazes me how easy it is to wrongly communicate thoughts. Sometimes it is the choice of words that says something differently than what we really want to express. Other times, we use the wrong inflection in our voices and it changes the mood of what we really want to say. Then there are the times when our facial expressions or body language conflict with what we want to share.
With text messages people often say things hurriedly and things can really get messed up. Since different parts of the state, country, or world have phrases relevant to that particular area, things can be misinterpreted. It is also one of the reasons younger people may appear to be disrepectful. They have a language of their own that is not understand by older generations!
The Art of Communication can be fun. On Sunday mornings I often listen to a nationwide public radio show called a Way with Words. People call in and discuss how language has developed throughout history. It is fun to learn why we say things and their origin. Check it out, you might really like it.
Have a great day, Delight in Living!
Don’t Get Stuck Hanging!
Don’t Get Stuck Hanging
Do you find it hard to ask for help? Have you ever wondered why? Is it because you are feel concerned people will refuse you? Do you think people will find you incompetent? Or do you feel weak by turning to others for resolution? Is it that you have no one to ask? Are you afraid to share you concerns for fear of someone pressuring you? These thoughts cross my mind often. Why are people less likely to share their needs? Is it a privacy issue?
Last week I was listening to PBS radio. A lady had just written a book on finding it the topic of independence. She had found it so hard thing to ask for help. she told the story of having a piece of luggage that was large and so heavy that she couldn’t lift it into an overhead rack of a plane. A large strong man asked her 2 or 3 times if he could help. She kept telling him NO even though she needed it. It wasn’t until she hurt herself that he finally just did it! She began to evaluate herself.
“I can do it myself” was my daughter’s mantra as she grew up. It is now my husband’s mantra after an accident that altered his strength and stamina many years ago. So I began to think about this more. There are some people are ask for everything and seem overly needy. Is that why I too have spent my whole life learning to be independent? Is it because I don’t want to be judged?
I would listen to my peers throughout years of schooling ask the questions I had in my head. Good thing that they asked the questions. I would learn by seeing others succeed and follow or see them fail and try to avoid that path. I would figure out how to lift furniture alone, search for hours in books for answers, or avoid the things I couldn’t do.
In recent years so many things have changed in the way I think about things. I’d like to share them with you in the event that they might help you out of a jam.
1- I no longer try to lift or struggle with heavy things. There are strong people around who are more than willing to help with large pieces of furniture, bags, or overhead objects. I think I have had enough things fall on my head or strained enough muscles! I often try before I ask for help though.
2- In many stores there are high shelves. Even the taller individuals who have helped me struggle to get cans and boxes from on high. Perhaps the stores need to reevaluate how they display and store their merchandise. I no longer hesitate to mention that to those in charge. After all they want us to be consumers!
3- There is a learning curve to everything. Whether one is learning a sport, a musical instrument, or a new subject like music, there is a lot to learn. Often learning is much easier when one is shown or walked through a procedure. I don’t hesitate now to ask those who might be more advanced than I am in an area.
Just this week I was visiting my daughter’s home. They have a different hand piece for their TV and a different cable provider. I couldn’t get the right input so the first young adult who came by became a source for me. They too pushed a dozen buttons. Finally the puzzle was resolved. Two heads work better than one! Sometimes common sense helps!
4- A man who called the radio station said he needed help to go in for a colonoscopy, but needed a ride. He said he had no one to ask. The radio DJ gave him several places to search out the answer. So that it true for all of us. Asking someone who may not know the answer, may instead have a source that does know. Keep asking.
5- I was setting up Word Press for this site. I stumbled here, there, and everywhere. Thanks to Infinium Marketing Group, I received the support and technical help I needed. Thank you to Harry and everyone there. And thank you to the person who introduced me to Harry.
6- Asking for help to find places has become easier for me. I just wouldn’t go places, until about 30 years ago, I missed a really important meeting. I suddenly became for adventuresome. I refused to stay home and miss events. I learned to read maps and ask for specific directions. Now of course, many of us have GPS and other services at our fingertips that help us.
7- Prudence goes a long way. We need to learn instead of being totally independent, to learning who is safe. We need to find reliable people. Isolation is neither safe nor necessary! In fact, we do everyone a disservice. Those in the know are not being called upon. Instead we are called to be team players. Ask.
8- Scripture tells us to “ask and you shall receive”. Simple words with power. They are words my dad told me over and over again as a child. People do not know that you need help unless you tell them. Don’t stress alone!
9- That man who so willingly wanted to help the lady put luggage in the overhead compartment wanted to help. People need to be needed. People are often able to teach us ways to be independent too. Maybe it is the way we lift something. Or there may be an option to roll a heavy item. Today furniture can glide on disks safely.
10- I have several acquaintances looking for jobs. They interview and wait. Rather they need to make follow up calls. They need to share their talents and allow others to promote them. None of us should be kept hanging. It isn’t fun unless you chose to climb a tree and play!
Enjoy your day and Delight in Living!
Loving Those “Firsts”
When babies are born, there are a series of firsts. Their first hearing test, blood test, and vision test. They are evaluated and carefully monitored. Their toes and fingers are counted. They are weighed and measured and an identity begins taking shape. Parents are watching every move and caring for all of their needs. 
The first time a child rolls over, smiles, and reacts to sounds are recorded in baby books. Pictures are taken and hopefully everyone is reaching out to help the new parents. Those firsts don’t stop though. They continue as a child plays, goes to school, enters sports, goes to church, enters Boy Scouts/Girl Scouts, etc.
By the time, we are adults we have restarted often. Starting a new season in different schools, or as changing institutions as skill levels push us ahead. Often moving to new states and starting new jobs can create new goals for us even when we aren’t ready. Each step along the way can be fun and challenging or anxiety provoking. Restarting may never end. People are pushed into retirement due to age or moving into smaller homes due to changing financial positions.
So here are a few steps to make life easier.
1- See each step forward not as a hurdle, but rather as a new opportunity.
2- Connect with friends and others you know who have gone through similar things and learn from them.
3- Stay in the present moment. It isn’t a good thing to live in the past.
4- Ask others for help.
5- Read all that you can always. Reading gives us information and encouragement. It is a source of enrichment and keeps our brains actively working.
6- Don’t get stuck doing the safe thing or being in the same group out of comfort. Calculated risks provide chances for us to mature.
7- Learn new vocabulary and communication styles. The computers and smart phones continue to change and we must adapt to these changes. Peace for the day. Delight in Living!
For I know well the plan’s I have in mind for you…
You may wish to “Journal” about this topic and discover self insight . . .
“For I know well the plan’s I have in mind for you says the Lord, plans for your welfare, not for woe! Plans to give you a future full of hope. When you call me, when you go to pray to me, I will listen to you. Jeremiah 29:11-12NAB
As children, parents have plans for their children. In school, teachers tell us where and what we are to do. As adults, bosses have plans for our time. Is it any wonder how we all become so different as individuals? 
Not at all, because each person is so unique and created as one of a kind. This concept is still boggling to my mind. To think that we are all in a sense commissioned to greatness in some way is even more remarkable. God has extended himself and His spirit into each of us. Together, we are meant to work as a team and help one another.
So when I first read this, many moons ago, I wondered “Well okay God, tell me your plans?”. “Tell me fast so I can get busy with the assignment and execute it!” Instead God takes His time; he does things in His own time. He drops small bits of insight to me in prayer. Sometimes a person will reflect something back to me and I get this “A-ha” moment that maybe I’d better pay attention. Have you ever thought about this? Am I the only one? Does God seemingly toss a detour in whatever path you are taking?
I feel grateful knowing this insight is there from scripture for us. It is meant to give us peace. Does it give you peace? Does it help you find the best in yourself? Does it stop you long enough to meditate and pray?
When things go wrong, and we know they do, do you question God? Or do you Praise God and ask for continued guidance?
Take the time to cultivate a relationship with your creator. He knows you well. Blessings for a super day, Delight in Living!
Running Scared or Learning Fast
When I was a small child in school, I walked to the nearby grade school. Usually I was with other children, but on this particular day I was walking alone and returning early from lunch. The doors of the school were closed during lunch so if we got there early we could play on the slides or swing sets.
As I was prancing down the street I passed a high hedge of bushes that lined the front and side of a corner home. Behind the house was an alley that went through all the way back to near where I lived. It was a long block. I turned the corner. From there, I could see the school about a block away. I had two more streets to navigate.
I watched as a Big Red Truck pulled in the alley ahead of me. I saw it had two men in it. The truck stopped at the sidewalk. The passenger side door opened and a man was reaching out to me with candy in his hand. I was not about to take the bribe.
My dad had warned me about taking candy from strangers. At school we had been made aware there had been abductions. Now here and what was I to do? I wished my big brother was with me or some of my walking to school friends. I turned and ran back to the corner, as I heard the truck roar down the alley.
Were they coming down the alley and around to catch me? I turned again and ran to the school. I was in a panic. I got to what was the Kindergarten door and began pounding. “Let me in”, I repeated until an adult came to the door. I remember trying to explain and had an indifferent teacher. I don’t remember anything more after all these years, but I often walked a different way to school.
When I was about 22, I remember seeing one of the men from that truck in a candy/cigar store. I was with my dad, and waited until we got far away from there before telling him. He was really protective and I didn’t think there was much to be done. I didn’t want him to over react and nothing THANKFULLY had happened to injure me 16 years before.
I have always grateful that nothing happened to me and took warnings of any type to heart. As a child that loved candy, this could have been enough to lure me into that truck. I think the situation made me more observant in years to come.
Listening to others is good. It allows one to take on different perspectives. It provides insights on what opportunities are available. Listening helps us grow in our attitudes and become a bit more worldly.
Be safe and Delight in Living!
Marriage 101
Marriages often look well to the outside world, but may be splintering within the walls of their home. Couples are called to be teams; two people working with one another. Working to encourage, grow, and protect each other. Sometimes it means that one must put aside their own agenda to help or care the spouse. There is no equality when it comes to sickness, aging, job losses, or unexpected problems. Both spouses are affected!
Marriage commitments once meant forever; what has happened? They were not temporary arrangements. People didn’t just live together; they created a covenant with God. Through good or bad circumstances, people forged ahead and tried their best to keep going.
I have noticed in the recent 10+ years that people give themselves excuses to dissolve a marriage or be unfaithful. They spend weekends and evenings apart with other friends to the exclusion of their mate more frequently than they spend time together. They begin taking vacations separately saying it is necessary, because of schedules.
More and more children commute each week back and forth between homes. They have two sets of parents and may have 4 or more sets of grandparents. It becomes confusing for the children even though they have to adapt. Rules are different at each location; sometimes the kids are used as leverage. What’s up with that?
They say people are living longer and they can’t be tied down into a loveless marriage. Instead of focusing on the positive things that are working, they want out. Two people get married for a reason. Something united them whether it was a look, habit, or attitude.
So it is time to reconnect. Find common interests. Look for things that you love in the other person. Start dreaming together about how to resolve problems and create new goals. Lose weight together or walk every evening with one another. Go out for a simple cup of coffee. Talk about things in addition to the children and recall the things you loved about one another. Go to your spouse for company, not friends on Facebook. 
Listen and learn what you can do to make your mate #1. This means making PRIME TIME for each other; even if it is only for 1/2 hour. Take a short walk together either outside or through a mall. Go to church together. It’s an hour of time to hold hands and thank God for one another.
Be grateful for the things you’ve accomplished together. Raising children, paying off bills, wallpapering a room, or simply walking through some past crisis is an accomplishment. You can accomplish more things together. Work as one to resolve financial, housing, and/or personal issues.
It may mean simply cutting back and enjoying what you have, more than spending money. See a counselor, but keep your marriage together. You’ll be glad you did. Envision your life together as happy, unified, and healthy. Don’t run away from disagreements; learn to resolve them.
Finally, if your marriage has already dissolved into a divorce, take the time to reflect on what part you played in the division. We can all change ourselves for the better. Forgive yourself and the other person. Visit a counselor to analyze what really happened so you can avoid future relationship failures. Smile and move forward.
With those thoughts for the day, “Delight in Living”!
Harnessing Habits for Success. . .
How do we turn on the auto pilot for making things work for us?
Years ago, my husband was a photographer. He was an early bird who would often go on location for photographs that would be used for publications. He was a man of habit who followed through with a “work your plan” attitude.
On a very icy and frigid Friday morning in January, he headed out to have films developed for the front cover of a magazine. The weather was not good for driving. On the way back from the film company, he took time to mark his mileage down in his handbook. It was a habit from his sales days. Later that day, he was hit by a flatbed tow truck. Our vehicle was crushed and his life was on edge.
That one habit paid off in establishing a workman’s comp case for us. Because he was on life support and later had no memory of the event, there was no other way to prove or determine what insurance would cover the bills. Records later confirmed he was on business and that he had indeed carried out his working duties. It meant that whether he lived or died, the hospital bills would be paid and that we would not lose our home.
This was just one of many mini miracles that paid dividends. His initial choice to develop a habit of keeping good records certainly was a safety valve for his family, and also that he would get the care he needed. It allowed him to get rehabilitation to walk, to speak, to hear, to see, and to live.
This April, Delight in Living is having 2 groups called “Moving Forward” to help one another plan goals, and succeed in achieving them. I am confident that this will help those involved to improve self confidence, increase self efficacy, and stay focused. Groups are great in helping us become our best. That is why children are often more successful in achieving goals; they have friends around who help keep them on target. This is particularly true of team sports.
Did you know that most of us are on auto pilot? We get up, brush our teeth, make our beds, grab the same thing for breakfast, and head out the door. Our schedule is determined by going to class, getting kids to school, a demanding work itinerary, or love for a sport. When it comes to getting up we may rely on a clock radio or someone to wake us. Perhaps your pet dog encourages you to rise and shine. Some people have an internal clock that gets me up each day. Each habit has been developed by doing the same thing over and over again.
Habits can help keep us on task. We have certain things we do each day and just do them. If you’re like me, you don’t appreciate adding more onto a “to do list” so I try to incorporate things into a natural schedule. That includes walking whenever I can to stay active, eating regular meals so I eat sensibly, and scheduling personal time for doing the things I really want to do.
When my parents were young, they had a day each week to do accomplish things. One day was assigned for laundry, cleaning, and grocery shopping. Another day was set aside for family and attending church. Yet another for going to the bank, and connecting with friends. Their schedules ruled their lives. They didn’t have to be texting one another on the phone all the time to change things. They were efficient and loyalty to their habits kept them well. It was probably easier in some ways that they were more rigid and congruent with their schedules than we are today.
I seldom lose my keys, because I put them in the same spot. I stop at the same 2 gas stations so that when the charges come through I can confirm them. I have discovered that most of us are still creatures of habit. So how can we make habits work for us and not against us?
Having said that, can you name poor habits that work against you? Let me name a few you might relate too or see in the lives around you. 1-Overeating or eating late at night, 2-Rushing to meetings, or trying to cram too much into a day? 3-While one parent may be running kids here, there, and everywhere, the other parent works long hours to pay the bills. 4-Eating fast foods rather than taking time to prepare simple meals and eat together. These may contribute to feeling annoyed and/or unappreciated.
Finding healthy ways to relieve stress and get ahead may mean slowing down. It is a call to recreating new patterns. Patterns that are chosen become habits with consistency and long term goals in mind.
One of the best way to create good habits for a healthy lifestyle are to 1-want something, 2-accept the challenge, and 3-embrace the steps to making something work. Prepare your schedule in advance. Stick with the plan to start making the small choices into worthwhile habits. Call on others to help you stay focused.
Peace for the day. Delight in Living!