Don’t Get Stuck Hanging

Do you find it hard to ask for help?   Have you ever wondered why?   Is it because you are feel concerned people will refuse you? Do you think people will find you incompetent?   Or do you feel weak by turning to others for resolution?  Is it that you have no one to ask? Are you afraid to share you concerns for fear of someone pressuring you?  These thoughts cross my mind often.  Why are people less likely to share their needs?  Is it a privacy issue?1986172-R1-040-18A

Last week I was listening to PBS radio.   A lady had just written a book on finding it the topic of independence.  She had found it so  hard thing to ask for help.  she told the story of having a piece of luggage that was large and so heavy that she couldn’t lift it into an overhead rack of a plane. A large strong man asked her 2 or 3 times if he could help. She kept telling him NO even though she needed it. It wasn’t until she hurt herself that he finally just did it!  She began to evaluate herself.

“I can do it myself” was my daughter’s mantra as she grew up.   It is now my husband’s mantra after an accident that altered his strength and stamina many years ago.  So I began to think about this more.  There are some people are ask for everything and seem overly needy.  Is that why I too have spent my whole life learning to be independent?    Is it because I don’t want to be judged?

I would listen to my peers throughout years of schooling ask the questions I had in my head.  Good thing that they asked the questions.   I would learn by seeing others succeed and follow or see them fail and try to avoid that path.  I would figure out how to lift furniture alone, search for hours in books for answers, or avoid the things I couldn’t do.

In recent years so many things have changed in the way I think about things.  I’d like to share them with you in the event that they might help you out of a jam.

1- I no longer try to lift or struggle with heavy things.   There are strong people around who are more than willing to help with large pieces of furniture, bags, or overhead objects.  I think I have had enough things fall on my head or strained enough muscles!  I often try before I ask for help though.

2- In many stores there are high shelves.  Even the taller individuals who have helped me struggle to get cans and boxes from on high.   Perhaps the stores need to reevaluate how they display and store their merchandise.  I no longer hesitate to mention that to those in charge.  After all they want us to be consumers!

3- There is a learning curve to everything.   Whether one is learning a sport, a musical instrument, or a new subject like music, there is a lot to learn.  Often learning is much easier when one is shown or walked through a procedure.   I don’t hesitate now to ask those who might be more advanced than I am in an area.

Just this week I was visiting my daughter’s home.  They have a different hand piece for their TV and a different cable provider.  I couldn’t get the right input so the first young adult who came by became a source for me.  They too pushed a dozen buttons.  Finally the puzzle was resolved.  Two heads work better than one!    Sometimes common sense helps!

4-  A man who called the radio station said he needed help to go in for a colonoscopy, but needed a ride.   He said he had no one to ask.  The radio DJ gave him several places to search out the answer.  So that it true for all of us.   Asking someone who may not know the answer, may instead have a source that does know.   Keep asking.

5-  I was setting up Word Press for this site.   I stumbled here, there, and everywhere.   Thanks to Infinium Marketing Group, I received the support and technical help I needed.  Thank you to Harry and everyone there.  And thank you to the person who introduced me to Harry.

6- Asking for help to find places has become easier for me.   I just wouldn’t go places, until about 30 years ago, I missed a really important meeting.    I suddenly became for adventuresome.  I refused to stay home and miss events.   I learned to read maps and ask for specific directions.   Now of course, many of us have GPS and other services at our fingertips that help us.

7- Prudence goes a long way.   We need to learn instead of being totally independent, to learning who is safe. We need to find reliable people.   Isolation is neither safe nor necessary!  In fact, we do everyone a disservice.   Those in the know are not being called upon.  Instead we are called to be team players.  Ask.

8- Scripture tells us to “ask and you shall receive”.   Simple words with power.   They are words my dad told me over and over again as a child.  People do not know that you need help unless you tell them.  Don’t stress alone!

9-  That man who so willingly wanted to help the lady put luggage in the overhead compartment wanted to help.   People need to be needed. People are often able to teach us ways to be independent too.   Maybe it is the way we lift something.  Or there may be an option to roll a heavy item.  Today furniture can glide on disks safely.

10- I have several acquaintances looking for jobs.   They interview and wait.   Rather they need to make follow up calls.   They need to share their talents and allow others to promote them.   None of us should be kept hanging.  It isn’t fun unless you chose to climb a tree and play!   

Enjoy your day and Delight in Living!