I remember well after my parents died that someone remarked about how lucky I was to inherit their stuff. That was way back in the early 80’s and I still recall how I felt. My parents died 90 days apart so my feelings of emptiness and loss were intense.
I was taken back by the comment. Yes, their possessions were linked to them because certain things were filled with wonderful memories for me. Stuff cannot help replace people. Each person brings a new dimension and place in the world. My parents taught me values; they taught me how to laugh and endure trials. Somehow it was a difficult for me to process this comment while I was grieving.
In honor of my parents, we gave many things away. A bedroom set was given to a family who had foster children. A small freezer was passed on to a niece of my mother’s who asked for it. Pots and pans and kitchen items went to a cousin in need of them. Things went to my friends and church. Mom would have liked that. A portrait, desk, photos, and personal possessions I kept. I sent a stool to my brother, since he had made it for them and sent him photos too.
In the years that followed I worked in a resale shop. Brand new things came in that weren’t needed. Things that were abused and mistreated also came in. Some boxes were filled with moldy, wrinkled and overly used clothes that no one could use. I didn’t understand that. And then there were the things that families donated after the death of their loved ones. Beautiful things that no longer brought comfort to their families could go on to help others.
My husband regards things as a source of comfort just by their presence. Things once helped him bring back memories after a memory loss. He doesn’t buy anything unless it brings him joy. He also finds parting from stuff is difficult. Knowing what things mean to you is part of understanding who you are!
Fast forward 30 plus years. I am blessed to have much stuff. Stuff that helps me run an office. Stuff that makes our home functional. Stuff that I share with my children or give to others. And I do enjoy it, but not in place of people or of the relationships.
The modern world has taught us to be consumed with materialism. We replace things that still work to buy different colors or styles. We buy new radios because the adapters don’t fit our current technology. Is it any wonder why our younger generations want the latest I-pod, cell phone, or computer? We have endorsed staying current and keep having to update our Operating Systems to avoid security breeches.
Today as I rearranged my office, I looked up the definition of stuff. It read, stuff is “a person’s belongings, equipment, or baggage.” Another meaning was “things in which one is knowledgeable and experienced; one’s area of expertise; he knows his stuff and can really write”. So yes stuff can be mental too. Wisdom that is packaged!
As I get older, I find that lots of “stuff” is baggage and I give away things whenever I can. Somethings remain very special. I keep a folder of thoughtful notes from people. Photographs and things that helped make our family traditions, I keep. There are things I’d like to see passed on the the next generation. History and family stories are excellent!
Have you thought about these things?
What stuff do you have to share?
What kinds of “stuff” bring you happiness?
Who do you like to share these things with?
Do you label things you want to pass on?
Do you journal for the next generation?
