Things hinge on one another!

It amazes me how one change may effect another like domino’s falling into alignment. We make plans that hinge on something already in place.Perhaps we sell our house contingent on another one being made available. Life is funny like that regarding jobs, kids schooling, or health issues. One thing sets the pace or need for another.

Turning resolutions into reality are much the same. I often suggest to my patients to set resolutions for the New Year into a few divisions. Working on one thing at a time is more likely to be carried through.

We will be more successful if we can be specific in stating our goals with each resolution. One season may make it easier to lose weight, another easier to work on the house projects, etc. Each goal then becomes more attainable and we find the feelings of success gratifying.

Break up the year into comfortable zones. For me there are the first few months of the year to navigate through. It is cold and the weather makes me lazy, so I try to catch up on reading, get the tax papers ready, and think about house projects. These I can do inside and on dark, long evenings.

House projects get done now too. This year we are redoing floors in our bedrooms. I will not be actually doing the work, but I will be searching out the contractor, paying the bills, and preparing the rooms to be emptied. Last year I focused on kitchen updates. As the season passes, I will increase my use of the treadmill so walking is easier in springtime.

Next is a “combo Spring and Summer” period when it is easier to focus on outdoor projects. These include cleaning out the flower beds, walking to work, and painting outdoor lawn ornaments, birdhouses, and furniture updates. It may include tree trimming or new plantings. And of course, it includes emptying the garage and changing the tire on the wheel barrel.

By focusing on one area at a time, things become more doable. It is easier to complete each project and easier to maintain each one as well. That goes along for painting rooms, washing outdoor furniture, cleaning out the attic, or weeding flower beds. For me, if I am forced to clean out a closet for painting, things are moved into bags for sorting and donating. stretch

With the longer days, the weather warms up. We may be unlike the kids who walk on ledges, balance on railroad ties, or start climbing trees with ease, but we can stretch and take on more activity. Jackets become lighter. We don hats to keep the sun from our eyes
It is easier to lose weight first by cutting back on food amounts. Then one can add in exercise; especially in the nicer weather. One thing hinges on the success and maintenance of another.
By creating an action plan, changing habits begin to work on our behalf. We use the stairs in place of the elevator. We walk the extra 10 car spaces at the grocery store to add in a little more movement. We walk back with the grocery cart all the way back to the store to get in a tad more exercise.
Now, you have the Fall and New School Year to set the third division of the year. It is a natural division. If you are a parent or grandparent, kids are getting ready to return to school. If you travel, it is a great time to go somewhere. If you feel better in the Fall after a tough allergy season, it is a relaxing time to walk, to rake leaves, or think of filling with freezer with veggies from the garden. Fall is a time to bring in the yard decorations. It may mean painting the furniture so it is ready for spring.
A Frame
Our swing this past fall looks like an “A” and that is the grade you deserve for keeping on target. Congratulations!
Perhaps it is getting out the Christmas decorations to the front of the storage area so it is easy to pull out in a few months and pushing back the things you won’t need for another 6-8 months. Little changes that make the next season easier helps keep our energy in check and our minds clear.
You’ve come along way in making the year count and all without one big list of New Year’s Resolutions. And the best part is that you can start at any point to define your beginning. Every day is a new opportunity to start a new venue. Your goals have developed into worthwhile accomplishments.

How many images?

How many images do you present to other people?   How many views of yourself do you recognize?  Can you remember what you were like when you were 7 or 14 or 21?

Today I stopped in the office to do some behind the scenes work.  Shortly after arriving, the Culligan truck pulled up behind my car to deliver water.   I always enjoy short conversations with the drivers as they are unloading the water jugs.  I have had this company as my supplier for almost 10 years now. The local store is within viewing of my office so I know many of the office workers, as well.

I know several of the drivers, but one in particular is a great conversationalist.  
We talk about our families.   He has shared about his children, the recent death of his beloved grandmother, and politics.  We discuss our latest triumphs with exercise or health tips we’ve learned.  Today, we talked about traveling and taking on new sports.  Over the years, we have come to know more about one another.  Amazing what a few minutes of repeated encounters can do.   Sort of “over the fence” type of conversations that our grandparents enjoyed.   These still can take place at the local McDonald’s, the vet’s office, or at the Grocery store if we allow them to occur.

I think we may have started to ignore one another and therefore so many people feel lonely.   We go through self check out lanes or we may rush out of church without taking time to chat.  I noticed this last summer when I went to get my mail.   As I went to approach my neighbor, their garage door when down.   Of course they had no idea, I was about to walk over and chat.  I didn’t walk over; felt they were probably in a hurry and missed the chance to say “hello”.  Maybe they think I was in a hurry too.  I will never know.

This photo to the left is of a picture I have had in my office for over 18 years now.   It is a collection of images and the idea is to see how many images one can find.   Take time to study it and see!  I love it even though I keep coming up seeing new faces. It’s still enjoyable.

No doubt that is how many of us learn about our community.   We interact on a regular basis talking, sharing, and encouraging one another on the gloomy days and when the sun is shining brightly.   We find it fills gaps in our thinking and makes us more conscientious of others.  We learn about other businesses in town; we strive to grow and stay connected.

We present totally different images when we are placed in an arena where expectations define us.  Take the student who tries to keep up with homework.   A typical teacher sees  the student in small doses every day.   The student arrives for a 40 minute class, is punctual and turns in their assignments on time.   The teacher sees the student as responsible and interested in the class.  Apart from that session,  the instructor does not see how active or inactive the students are outside of the classroom.

As a high school teacher, I had a homeroom of students.   A break in the day when we’d try to catch our breath; regroup among friends.  I am sure it was meant for taking attendance and sharing school announcements, but for me, it was much more.

We’d share snacks while talking about problems, fears, friends, and family concerns.  I’d hear the good and bad going on outside the classroom.   I’d learn what was possibly keeping them from focusing on their studies or the dreams and visions of what they wanted to pursue.  It was THE BEST PART of teaching.  It was helping them become the best version of themselves.  It was helping them learn more than subject matter.  It was a time when I was most relaxed and in tune with all of them.

When the students left the school, they took on different faces.  They might have taken on other responsibilities?   Perhaps they had part time jobs, cared for siblings with handicaps, went for tutoring, or headed off for sporting events.   They had other interests and identities.

In business, many people put on their masks.   They want others to see only one side of them.   They want to be strong and unique and appear flawless to those who buy their services or products.  They may appear honest and kind,  only to be deceptive or unkind to their families.   (Stay engaged here with these blogs as we will be discussing “Masks” soon.)

In today’s world, people are not always what they appear.   Sometimes we become cynical or question the motives of others.  We might want to take the time to learn more about each other and to pray more for those struggling or wanting to talk.   Peace for your day!

This tree is located next to our garage. When it was young it was traumatized by a wind and snowstorm.  Where it is split actually was  bent onto the ground.  My husband was convinced he could save it and with a couple of bungee cords stood it up again.    That happened nearly 40 years ago.   It has grown and grown providing shade and its unique shape to our backyard.  I really have come to see this tree as a comforting corner of the property.

It is hard to keep a smile on our faces like the one this Teddy Bear has when things don’t go well.

We need to be propped up and nourished by our own “self talk”.   The never give up attitude becomes important whether we are dealing with medical issues, raising children, looking for employment, or struggling in a relationship.  The input from professional people can help keep us thinking clearly.  It is important to give others feedback so they can be helpful.  People don’t know you need help until you ask.  You may look so self sufficient that no one is aware of your needs.

Today I ran across some letters from a missionary priest.  He died about several years ago,
but used to write to me every couple of weeks.  I have kept a few of his letters which were always so encouraging.  I wish I had held on to more of them.  Receiving personal letters is becoming a rare   thing these days. To think that he took time out of his busy work day was touching.  It also was good to see his handwriting.

I start each year with the idea of writing to more people via snail mail, but lose momentum as the year goes forward.   I plan to start again with a note in the Christmas Cards I send out to friends and family.

1- Never give up on yourself or encouraging others.  Ask for help when you need it.

2- Enjoy the handwritten love letters, cards, and encouraging moments and remember to return the favors or pass on the encouragement to the next generation.

3-Find and embrace the people and things in life that are meaningful to you; those that you really love to be with.   Meditate on the richness  these provide and how they have made you the person you are today!

Enjoy your day!

The first train ride I remember was at the age of 4. My dad lifted me onto the step and followed me aboard. I remember the train being high, the smell of the engines, and how fast it was moving.  It would be one of many trips from Chicago to the suburbs in my lifetime.

The next image I recall was stopping in Brookfield, Il. The sound of the horn could be heard as we entered town.  The brakes stopped us so abruptly.  The train squealing on the tracks was high pitched.  I felt small and looking back, I was little in comparison to the high seats and the big engine.

The train stopped in front of Prince Castle. We lived in Brookfield for the next 10 years and frequented that site for purple, orange, and lime sherbet cones. They were square scoops of color that make for a wonderful memory of Saturday evenings with the family.

As a small business owner I think of that town often and the street of stores. We walked to our new house that was a mile away.  The corner drug store had a soda counter and became a place we would stop at for a small bite.  My brother would buy me their delicious version of a Black Cow, a root beer float.  The stools were high and it was a first for me to sit at a counter.  Of course, my feet dangled.   It was years before they’d touch the step beneath.

The local department store was named after a local family.  Here we’d come to buy our underwear, towels,  and cotton handkerchiefs for Dad. The store  had creaky  wooden floors and big black and gold cash registers for the cash.  Receipts were hand written and there were carbon copies. No doubt all the bookkeeping was hand written in journals too.  Families often named their businesses after themselves and the succession planning was a given for the children.

People working were always dressed up and greeted the customers as they entered.  It had a personal and welcoming touch.  Everything was in labeled boxes on the shelves or layered on wooden tables with large side drawers for storage.  End of the season sales were enticing, even to the smallest consumers. Colorful hats were displayed on wooden model heads with painted on expressions.  Stunning!

Then there were hosiery stores  that were tiny in size with glass display windows.  Inside you’d see stacks of flat colorful little boxes. Sizes and styles were listed on the sides.  I still have one of these boxes in my sewing room! They also sold women’s scarves there.  Most of the nylons had seams in those days and came in shades of taupe or black.

One year in an icy snowstorm, I walked with my mom to the dime store. We bought plastic molded ornaments and a few gifts like felt slippers and plastic model kits for Christmas .  Walking was our means of getting around town since my mother did not drive.   Dad used the train in emergency, but usually had an old used beater to travel to the Stock Yards Post Office everyday.   He worked there for 30 years before retiring.

A lawyer and CPA had offices above the other stores. Very impressive gold lettering on the doors stood out. The steep climb up the stairs was a workout whenever I followed my parents up to the next floor.    No elevators existed back then that I ever saw.    Many of the buildings had the second floors and often apartments were up there for the owners of the businesses.

On the one corner was a large red brick building that housed a “back doctor” and dentist. I am not sure there were other doctors there, but we used that dentist and my dad that Chiropractor on several occasions.

Today’s businesses are so different. Physically, buildings are one floor or have elevators.  Sales people are behind cash registers and often not as personal. One has a rushed feeling whether it’s in doctors offices, a grocery store,  or department store. Credit cards have replaced purchasing items on time, by  installment or on layaway.

So what can be learned from this by business owners now-a-days?

1-We might be more considerate of our clients, patients, or customers by welcoming them and not keep them waiting.   2- Try not to rush the people. 3-Recognize each person likes unique issues and solutions will be different too.   It’s not a one size fits all approach.   4- While receipts may be printed out, it still works for me to give them hand written receipts with dates and times filled in by pen.  A carbon less copy insures I don’t double book patients; we both have a receipt with days and times as well. 5-  Cleanliness meant a lot in the past and continues to be important now. Keeping reception areas neat and clean say a lot about what we want for our customers.  6- Cash may be seldom often used these days,  but options to accept credit cards, insurance plans,  and checks may make payment easier.

Every generation sees advancements, but we can learn from our past and hold onto the value of honesty and integrity for those who use our services. We can help make a pleasure and not a frustrating experience.

Remember when?   Most of us have played the telephone game as kids.  It is the one where a secret is whispered to the person next to you.  They in turn tell the person next to them.   By the time the secret gets around the room to the last person in the group, it is a “different” tale.

Reason why? One of the best reasons to see a  psychotherapist is to clear out forms of distorted thinking.   All of us have things from our past that we see with a different lens.   We come from different size families.  We are the 1st child, the middle or the last of many?  We may be a single child raised with only adults.   In each case we experience life with a different perspective and purpose.  Just ask 3 siblings what their parents were like when they were 10 years old and you’ll probably get totally different stories.

Hearing yourself say things …   As adults, not only do we carry false ideas from our past, but we are continually taking in experiences from different places.  With our fast pace world and news flashes coming out constantly, we don’t always have time to distill our thoughts.

We take pieces of information and see them as truth, when in fact they are false.   Maybe we hear part of the story or words out of context and the meaning changes.  We may listen to a report of a politician’s speech and wonder why it is so different from having been there firsthand and having heard it.  We begin to question our interpretation.

Emotions can mess us up!  Sometimes we just don’t see things as they are; we see them from a place of emotion.  Just think of how one reacts if they are tired, or angry, or poor.

I used to tell my spouse not to discuss anything of value after 10 pm.   By then all good judgment was gone.   Although I like to read late into the night, I do not trust my thinking, as well as, when I am alert and well rested.

The same goes for judgments of other topics too.  We see someones spouse with another neighbor and think they are being unfaithful.   It may not be the case at all; it may be overgeneralizing on our part.   It may be entirely different and we have made a poor call.

Status confuses how we are judged.  If we have little money, we may not think the way a person with much security will think.   We may see a need to only help others like us.   We may prejudge or speculate how other people think, act, or purchase.  Likewise, if we have always been fortunate financially, we may look down on those with less and speculate false assumptions.

A few suggestions:  1) Think and process ideas before jumping to conclusions.  2) See out professional guidance on problems that keep reappearing.  3) Ask for information to keep clarifying your thinking.   4) Be yourself and think for yourself; don’t adapt other peoples opinions without prayerful thoughts  5)  Like the Burning Bush, wait to see how things play out!

Not all counseling is long term.   It doesn’t mean you are less of a person.  In fact, everyone needs support team.  An hour a week isn’t much, but it helps keep us on track and healthy minded.

While on my daily walk I came across this beautiful Weeping Willow tree.  It is located near a retention pond where it can get plenty of water, sunshine, and light.  Its tiny leaves allow it to sway in the different climates; to be flexible in spite of the winds, snow, and rain. It is located in one of my favorite spots.

As a child, we had one of these in our backyard.  It had been a low area of our yard and it loved living there.   Dad and Mom were always trimming it back because it would grow rapidly. It lived in a darker spot of our yard so I never had the pleasure of sitting beneath  it.  This one lends itself to having company.

We all need to be like this tree.  Happy to be rooted where we are and with the skills we have attained.  Since we need nourishment, we need to parent ourselves. It calls us to protect ourselves, care for our bodies, and to go forward.

Do you have hearty branches?  Are your roots happily planted or do you need to nourish yourself?  Are you able to sway with the circumstances of your life? Sometimes we are like a tree in that we need pruning and redirection.  We need to face into a new direction or learn new things.

Do you have a “rolodex”?  That is, a list of contacts of people around you, to help as things happen or questions arise?  May I suggest you begin collecting that list of people.   As a counselor, coach, and advocate for people, I want to be one of those people on your rolodex.  I am here on this platform to give you support and bring comfort to you.  Please continue to read my posts, so you get that support started!

We don’t have to stay in the same spot, but we can live in the same place and make wholesome changes for ourselves.

How do you look at things?    Years ago I saw a man in the office every week for counseling.  He had been coming for several months and always took the same seat in the room.   On this particular session, I sat down where he had normally been sitting and therefore, he took a seat and was looking in a different direction.   Immediately, he recognized the photo of Michelangelo’s The Creation of Adam print framed on the wall.   “Oh this is new!  I really love that”.

Actually it wasn’t new.  It was one of the first things I had framed for my office and it had been there for several years.   What was new was his perspective of the room and his surroundings.

Have you ever been totally surprised to find something in a room or city that had been there and you were oblivious of it?   Have you read the Bible or any other book and suddenly saw something new that seemed so relevant?  Where was it?  Certainly the book had not been rewritten.  It was the same one you had picked up and carried around for years.

Our needs change.   The people we interact with change.  Our jobs change.  Our health does too.   The needs and focus of our attention call us to see things differently.

Our perspectives often influence the way we think and act.  It is wise to keep an open mind about people, places, and things until we have all the facts at hand.   That certainly is true of politics, doctors, medications, and news worthy stories.   New facts and updates keep us safer and allow us to help one another.  We need to stay informed and from many angles.

As the seasons change, we see how the weather affects our well being.   A man I met earlier this week at a Cemetery, of all places,  told me that he had moved to Florida years before.   The weather there affected how he and his wive felt.  It was not good for them to be in the hot humid weather that they thought would be enriching.   After  a few years of having new health problems, they returned to the Midwest.   The change made they feel much better.

What might you look at differently?  Is it the people you work with or the job you work at each day?

Is it the need to be with neighbors or friendlier people?  Whatever it is that will brighten your life, please take time to look at it and see your options.   Liking yourself and loving life is our goal!

Have a great weekend!