Self Development
Do You Flip A Switch?
Do you find it is easier to walk in the dark than flip a switch? Do you ignore dealing with problems, because it is hard to confront a co-worker, neighbor, or family member? Is it better to ignore a pain rather than getting it checked out? Do you take what someone says without checking out the facts? Are you so narcissistic that no one can converse with you?
There are times when many of us would just-a-soon not know something. Why is that? Do you fear the cost of having the car fixed so you let the rust spot get worse? Do you have to be right so you stay in your own corner of the world and not find out that there is more to see? Has fear made you a captive and kept you in darkness? As a child were you so afraid to ask a question in class because someone made you feel silly? Well let’s toss out the negative thinking here. There are no poor questions and we are all here to help one another navigate the waters of fear.
Cognitive distortions come in all size packages. Maybe someone has given you the wrong information and therefore you walk around with the wrong mindset. Perhaps you are so stuck in the ways of how your parents thought that you don’t think for yourself. Not all things are black and white, but some individuals see things that way. They chose not to visualize or change things. They do not flip a switch in their thinking until some situation flips it for them.
For me, I want to be the one to flip the switch and I think you do too. I prefer to stay in the room with light that gives me clarity and perspective. I immerse myself in the books that will shine information and light on the things that I need to know. I like to hear different opinions so that I can balance and be clear on my own perspective. Sometimes I change my mind as a result of learning more.
Most of us are able to reach the light switches in our homes. Lights help us see. They keep us from tripping over things that may have been moved since we came in the room earlier. Switches turn things on and off with ease. Why not use them?
Hope you continue to “switch-on” our blogs at “Delight in Living”. We are here to help, to listen, to direct, to refer, and to learn along with all of you. We want to bring joy into your lives from the minor moments and to see mini miracles bloom all around.
Adding Texture to Your Life . . .
Did you ever notice how small children will scratch sheets of blankets with their fingertips? They are exploring the world right in their own crib.
Did you notice how sparkling bangles, glitter, and shiny things catch the attention of small children? Or adults too? It adds a dimension to our lives.
What catches your attention? Is it well coordinated outfits, matching pieces of jewelry, or good investments? Are you into reading books rather than using the tablets?
Tough and resilient materials are all around.
Our environments are full of texture and so are the people we deal with each day. Some bring instant comfort to us. We aren’t even sure of why we are attracted to certain people, but something draws us in. They might suddenly draw you into a business relationship. Or spur you on to do something you would have never expected.
Recognizing what brings emotional well being to you is important. If hard table tops remind you of surgical tables, you might find yourself covering them up with linens. If the smell of leather brings memories of new shoes, you may find it comforting to have an office of leather chairs.
Softness may mean comfort and call you to find clothes, blankets, or even pets to be nearby. I love the feel of our dog’s head. It is velvet and calming to me even when I am frazzled.
I have a love for lace, silks, and soft fabrics. Probably started when I was really little since I was taught to sew at the age of 4 on an Industrial Sewing Machine. I used to make my 8-inch Ginny doll her clothes. My mom taught me how to cut out simple “slip-on” outfits for them. All I had to do is sew the side or shoulder seams.
Soft and warm may lend comfort to your day!
As I aged, I learned about different fabrics and all the fun things that I could make. Fleece, corduroy, tapestries, and cottons still call my name. Guess I have never lost the love for sewing and designing. I relax in a home filled with textured rugs, doilies, and wood. Wood seems to be stabilizing and complementary. It is strong and long lasting like the friendships I treasure.
Maybe you have not thought in terms of texture. There are textures to the foods we eat. My husband cannot smell or taste his food. Textures remind him of the foods he once loved and help him eat. Slippery, al dente, or gritty help him enjoy pasta, vegetables, and even fried foods.
Now how does that pertain to you? What is it you love? What textures call your name? Is it fun stationary or graph paper? Is it the feel for mud and planting flowers because someone in your past taught you to love these things? Is it a love for numbers and the fun things you can do with them? Do you prefer simple silks whether they are ties, blouses, or draperies? Do the people you are drawn to wear starched shirts and well pressed clothing? Are you the person who prefers wool, lace, or velvet jackets? Do you love the toughness of people like the feel of leather.
Think of the textures in your life and how they affect you! Why do you prefer stainless steel sinks or white porcelain? How about the rubber mats you step on or the cushy rubber tires on your child’s bike or the buggy you push? Do you hang with LOUD people or soft spoken people? Anxious people who upset you or calm ones who make you feel good?
Just some thoughts to jump start your day! “Delight in Living”
Feeling Out of Place?
Feeling Out of Place or Alone?
Years ago I was at an airport in South Korea. A friend of mine was with me as we traveled back from Malaysia. We were carrying a lamp and lamp shade in two different packages and wanted to check them for the next day. With our limited Korean phrases we could not speak the language to explain our needs, so the packages stayed with us. I must say the visit into the city for shopping and eating was quite an adventure. I recall feeling terribly out of place and alone, even though, I was with someone.
Of course, one does not have to leave the country to feel alone. We can be alone in our own communities. We can feel alone in our schools, businesses, and families. Being alone is an odd feeling and one we try to learn to overcome from birth. I look around our community where there are senior citizens living by themselves or in nursing homes. They are alone physically, but have immersed themselves into church groups or connected with extended family. I applaud their skill and perseverance for connecting with other people. It takes effort and risk to be vulnerable.
So yesterday as I am running out of the office to pick up dinner, I see this bird standing near the highway. I pause and click the photo. I suspect there were others around, but not in my sight line. There are several ponds nearby this part of town where they nest.
Even so, I thought about this bird being alone is very similar to each of us. We begin as children to navigate the world. People may pay attention to us and focus on us at one time and totally ignore us at other times. We may be one of a big family or an only child. Either way, feeling alone may be something we learn to enjoy, but not day in and day out.
The “alone” feeling is one so many people share with me during counseling sessions and one I help them address. I like to help others feel connected and to be happier. It is good to stay connected for safety, to stress less, and well being.
A few suggestions: 1- Pick up the phone and call someone from your past. 2- Take time to drop off a snack to a neighbor. 3- Get a dog, cat, or even birds for company. The singing and tweeting of parakeets given to me by my daughter helped me through a difficult time many years ago. They created a feeling calm and joy. I had a purpose to get up each day and care for them. 4- Meet with a counselor and address some of your concerns. 5-Join a church group or a club. 6-Take up a hobby and connect with others who share your passion. 7- How about joining a health facility like the YMCA. Every community has one. There is swimming, yoga, tennis, or other sports to draw us in. Hope some of these suggestions help!
“Have a great day, smile, and keep moving forward, Delight in Living”!
The Force that Motivates . . .
What is the force that motivates you?
There are times when I wake up and have a list in my head of things to do. It motivates me to jump out of bed and get moving. Here’s an example: Company is coming at noon and the turkey needs to be in the oven. The dog needs to be taken out. I need a 30 minute walk to wake me up. A “one, two” with the vacuum to the family room is a must. Vegetables need to be cut and prepared along with potatoes to cook for mashing. Oh my, I need to call back a person that left a voice mail.
You may or may not relate to some of these things, but the pressure may be on to get out of bed and move. Motivation is a driving force whether it is an appointment one must get to or a job that needs to be done. Sometimes it is a fun thing like going to the Zoo with friends. It may even be a chore like catching up on paying the bills. Perhaps it is just getting to a job where you’ll make more money.
Fun and motivating magazines are available. There are many options!
The week before Easter, I was motivated by the church schedule in attending extra services. It meant rearranging my schedule to fit things into a working plan. I often get motivated by articles I read in magazines. Many come to the office and reading them at the end of a long day is relaxing and can be inspiring. There are traveling magazines, psychology publications, countless home improvement booklets, and style periodicals to select from to be read.
Today I was empowered to get groups going once again in the office. Groups to help individuals move forward in their lives, read more, and make new friends. A place to sort through ideas and grow. So many people have bouts of loneliness that can be resolved with meeting and learning together. That includes me and most of the people I know. We need to connect socially and filter out with one another new ideas.
So I welcome all readers to join me at the office on Wednesday mornings at 10 or in the evening at 7. See if it works for you. In the meantime, “Delight in Living”!
One Step at a Time . . .
Little feet develop slowly. Muscles get stronger. This little foot now belongs to a 5 year old dancer. Someday it will carry her forward into other sports and activities.
If you have ever watched a small child take it’s first step, you know that it does so slowly and with great concentration. Life is like that we take one day at a time. Soon we have passed through a complete week and developed new habits or skills along the way. We learn to like new foods, learn new routes to school, listen to people more completely, and hopefully grow into well rounded adults. A series of weeks adds up to a month and a month into years. Time has suddenly passed us by and we wonder where it went! Reflecting on where one wants to end up is the best way of developing a happy and healthy lifestyle.
Learning is done slowly and with repetition. Patience and instruction gradually add up to success in performing well.
No one I know has become a musician overnight. It has taken weekly classes and many practice sessions to learn musical pieces. A style develops with time. The ability to read music becomes like a second language. A skill develops slowly and with constant effort becomes perfected. Here a man with a passion for music is passing on his love for the guitar to students. Engage, grow, and be confident.
Readers all know that books are great company. Some books are short in nature and transfer a simple message. Others are longer and tell fictitious stories. The authors took time to develop themes so they could convey a message. Slowly chapters build on one another. Reflect today on what you want to develop. Where do you want to end up? Do you want to travel or build a business? Do you want to pray more or teach someone a skill? Reach for your dreams one step at a time! “Delight in Living!”
Chapters in a book are like chapters in one’s life. Each one builds on the previous.
It Can Be an “Honor” to Do Chores!
Today’s thought is by Voltaire: “I decided to be happy, it is excellent for one’s health”!
Happiness is being able to keep up with chores!
So this week was like every other when it came to grocery shopping. I came out to a flurry of snow and packed the groceries in the car. 
I only had a few, but I almost blew away. As I got into the car, someone in a big car pulled up close to me so I moved quickly out of the parking spot so the lady’s door would not hit my new Renegade.
Lately, I have been so thankful that I can still carry on the responsibilities of working, cleaning, and errands. So many people are incapacitated or unable to fend for themselves. A friend is on oxygen and struggles with asthma and respiratory issues. Another relies on a cane and goes fewer and fewer places. I must be thankful for every opportunity to be independent.
So why should I complain about the repeat jobs that seem to just waste time? After talking to others, we all do it. We get annoyed with doing the laundry and emptying the dishwasher. We dislike vacuuming and ironing. It’s a pain to take time to fill up the gas tank or cut the grass. Yet all of these things are privileges! We are so lucky to have cars to drive, dishwashers to clean and sanitize our dishes, irons, vacuums, and washing machines to care for our clothes.
After filling the trunk, I pushed the cart into one of the corrals. I think of my father every time I do that task. He’d make us walk back into the store with our carts (the days before the stalls existed). He’d tell me that the carts were a privilege to use and if they were left out they could be harmed. Eventually we’d end up paying to replace them in our grocery bill. He was big on teaching us to take care of our things. Maybe that came from the depression days, but it has always stuck with me. I see it as an honor to my dad every time I use and return a cart.
So today is Saturday and I am embarking on a few chores with a joyful heart. Hope this helps put a song in your heart too. Blessings for a great weekend. “Delight in Living”
It’s Never Too Late . . .
Cameras have a way to reflecting things to us that we rather not see. According to my children, I need to be a little lighter and add more humor to my thinking. Today I am trying to alter that attitude. I guess it comes from being the responsible person for so long. Sometimes responsibilities are cumbersome and heavy; like carrying heavy weights around. It is not a position that I wanted, but one that was given to me. So I began to think “it is never too late too change and lighten up”. Some people eat spinach to get strength like Popeye; I need to eat a humor pill. I am looking for the flavored ones that come in orange and strawberry.
Looking through the lens of a camera. Do we really see what is happening? Is it too late to change?
It’s never too late to learn something new, like a hobby, a sport, or a skill. It is playing that teaches us as children to love singing, dancing, and drawing. Children imitate and try new things willingly. They jump on the pogo stick, run up the hill, tow the wagon with toys in it or kick the ball. They might learn what they are good at drawing, or singing and keep trying new activities.
It’s never too late to change a bad habit or to grow in some way. Sometimes we do not recognize that we have bad or annoying habits until they are pointed out to us. Habits can make life easier or make our health and welfare decline. Decide which it is for you and be willing to change or accommodate circumstances. Maybe it is spending money differently or doing more exercise. It may be to stop smoking, eating candy, or some rude behavior.
It’s never too late to reconnect and heal a relationship. We all have the potential to change, to create new thought processes, and learn from the past. It may not mean you’ll be best friends, but it will allow you to move ahead and close down the past with peace.
It’s never too late to forgive someone that has harmed you. People are unintentionally hurtful and need reminding. Perhaps we know that we are thin-skinned and get hurt easily. Or someone may have been injurious to us. Now is the time to forgive. Let God be the judge and move forward with forgiveness. It doesn’t mean we put ourselves in their path again.
It’s never too late to try a new menu or read a new book. Foods are so much fun to try. Some cooks make everything wonderful and tasty. I had a friend who could make anything taste superb. Unfortunately, we don’t live nearby or I’d hire her as a private cook.
Trying a new book or going from fiction to non-fiction for awhile is fun. Reading takes us out of our own worries and reality into fantasy with words. Try it.
It’s never too late to change professions or go back to school. Until we are dead, we are able to try new things. It may be time to turn to our passions into business or our business into a new mode.
It’s never too late to start connecting with people and really listening to them. No one is really sharing nor interested in what makes the next person tick or be motivated. Everyone is on their cellphone texting away or watching videos. It is like they are glued to our hands. Let’s reconnect and take an interest in one another. For me, I am looking to connect with some humorous people, read more cartoons, and start my walking regimen. Any walkers out there?
Do we really see what is going on? There may be lots of photos being taken, but do we see?
Delight in Living!
Put the DOT at the End!
Do you finish what you start? So many students get close to the end of a project and don’t finish it. Homework assignments get tossed aside and incomplete. They land at the bottom of a book bag or locker. Unless someone pushes the student, things slip. Going to school helps us be better people and to learn the fine art of self development.
Business people often start doing community projects and then disappear half way through. They get on committees, but aren’t the worker bees that show up regularly. Students start on a team, but lose interest and fall out of the practice; everyone on the team has to compensate. We can’t be quitters!
So this photo of a Graduation Card shows a dog standing so powerfully and with pride. We too can feel this success.
What is happening that gives people permission to quit?
Well the people who start a project and don’t finish them lose momentum, joy, and self esteem. They never get to participate in the “success” part. They don’t get to the final degree, diploma, or award. They lose friends and develop a reputation of being a quitter.
Parents often let kids off the hook. Some adults do not see the benefit of pushing kids to finish projects or homework. Perhaps they don’t care about the money already invested? Perchance the parents are not finishers either? But let me tell you that parents will feel better too when they see their off springs complete the things they start.
Good habits must start early.
If a child starts whining or decides they don’t like some aspect of the project; what happens? Who and how will the adults in charge react?
Maybe the teacher is too hard; what then? Does this mean we agree and let kids off the hook?
Maybe the time to attend each week takes away from something else they’d rather do? Evaluating how time is spent helps.
Maybe there is a pattern developing in our community! One family lets their child slip by and suddenly it others gives others permission to follow. Coming regularly and following through is one of the best ways for success to develop.
Going the full measure teaches us to be reliable. All of us need to learn to be responsible. Not everything in life can be quit. Eventually we must be self sufficient and maintain a level of independence in our work and with our families. People battling a disease often feel empowered by the opportunity to get through the treatments and kick the illness.
To every student about to graduate from a program, please finish the work. Push the little extra to end with a bang! Come to the graduation. Be there for your family, for your peers, and for yourself. You probably will not understand for a long time the relevance of doing so. Remember no one who started driving got a license if they quit. You don’t want to look back with regret. CLOSURE FEELS GOOD! Start now to put a dot at the end. It’s never too late. Once something is closed properly, a new chapter can begin.
Graduating from school, a job, or a profession is empowering. One feels accomplished especially when they pursue something to the end. Whether it is struggling through academics or earning money in a job we hate, finishing gives us internal power. It is the “story of completion” that helps make us who we become. It is easy to bail when things are rough, but following through creates wonderful attitudes and healthy people.
It is like learning a sport. Practice may take time, but along the way, skills are refined. Trying to attain any skill that is hard may be challenging, but finishing with the team, lessons or helping out friends is affirming. The results may not be obvious now, but being persevering is a great attribute.
I have friends from a group I studied with 30 years ago. We are all in different occupations and I don’t see them all the time. Still my heart jumps for joy when I run into them. We were supportive of one another then and still are in a different way. Staying the course is important. Keeping contacts and being accountable to one another is comforting.
The process of working hard at everything helps one to understand their own values. One learns to think for and to take pride in what they do. People feel better when they walk the whole length of the path. Even though the pot of gold may be at the end of the rainbow, it can be beautiful along the way.
Success comes to us by trying new things and putting closure on the past event. We provide a new beginning for ourselves. Peace for the day, “Delight in Living!”
Memory Enhancement
“One little, two little, three little Indians” is a rhyme that we use to teach children to count. The tune is a catchy one and has survived many generations. We learn many things through catchy phrases and remember products for their catchy jingles.
Learning is an ongoing process so I want to share a few steps for memory enhancement.
1- Repetition works for all ages. Reading something over and over again helps the mind recall the information at a later date.
2- Write things down. Names, addresses and phone numbers are more likely to be remembered if we write them down. Now-a-days, we type a number in our smart phone and don’t recall it because we have not physically encountered those numbers.
3- Put things in the same place and it’s easier to find them. Years ago I got used to hooking my keys on the edge of my purse. It has kept my keys available 24/7. Put a bowl on your dresser for the things that come out of your pocket.
4- Watch yourself do things. When you unplug the coffee pot, watch yourself unplug it and clean around the coffee pot. Chances are that you will remember that later. I laid my cell phone on the file cabinet at work yesterday and as I reached for it in the car, I instantly recalled where I had left it. I went back inside the office to retrieve it.
5- Have a place for everything and put things away immediately. We tend to toss our jacket as we come into the door, but it is just as easy to toss it on a hook if available. When I purchase something new, I already have in my mind where it will go and how I can use it. Whenever you use something put it back. In the office, I try to encourage helpers to put rubber stamps, scissors, and labels back so they are easily available for the next person to use.
6- Talk with someone about a topic you need to remember. Tell someone about your upcoming schedule and chances are you won’t miss an appointment. Study with a friend and chances are you’ll remember more because of a conversation or practice session.
7- Watch people around you at work or while shopping to learn by seeing. We learn vicariously by watching others succeed or fail. I learned to put my grocery bags in a container in my car where they are accessible. It is a habit my husband has encouraged. He puts them back in the car after we empty them each week. It’s become a small, but helpful habit. They are easy to grab and use when I go into a store.
8- Create a filing system for paperwork. I have a folder that I throw mail and receipts into. I empty my purse receipts in there each night. On the weekend, usually Sunday, I enter all of the expenses and staple things together in my “monthly” folder for future use. Tax receipts from donations immediately go into a file marked “taxes” for the next year. Makes life easier and I am not hunting for taxes the following year.
9- Keep all your passwords together in a book, in an app, or on a list for future reference. Even the best memories can forget these things.
10- We were all taught to take notes in school, but I have seen so many people forget that there was a value in this. People once had telephones at home, where a pad of paper was located. Now many people have only cell phones, but we don’t have a place to jot things down. Someone recently asked me to text them information since they had no way of taking notes. (That is more and more common.)
In a culture that tries to use less paper for recycling purposes, we are creating another problem; namely, forgetting more.
Don’t forget though to “Delight in Living”.
Where is the missing piece in your living puzzle?
This puzzle of fish had lots of different shapes to create a unified picture. People are also similar. We are designed to be unique and beautiful.
My husband and I enjoy working puzzles together. Each piece of course, completes a element of the picture. We begin with a frame and connect each section.
That is true in our lives too. We don’t jump from the age of one to 30 without certain things taking place in our lives. Each encounter with a person affects us. Each event, every summer, a school year, or an interaction with a grandparent contributes to who we become.
We are indeed puzzles, growing with many experiences along the way. We are living puzzles that hopefully radiate a spirit of joy. We are unique puzzles. Each person is complete and continues to evolves.
A living vibrant person has many pieces to their story. The language we speak usually indicates the country in which we reside. Our size, hair color, voice, and ways of expression continually evolve as we interact with our peers and community. We continually take in mini habits. These changes have a long term effect as we evolve into adulthood.
As you pass a school building in the next few weeks, think about the children in that building. Are they all the same? Of course, not! They are all developing at different rates, connecting their past with the knowledge presented to them.
Some students will grasp facts. Facts that may contribute to their future careers. Others will begin designing new patterns of thought based on feelings of joy or an emotional impact. These will draw them into different interests.
The relationships they develop in school may lead them to a calling. The school experience may lead some to want to go on to learn more, to teach others, to thrive in another arena. Others may find it stressful and leave school to find an informal pathway to succeeding in life.
Teachers and staff members have a big impact on students. I have two grandsons that are 2 years apart. Both have a love and respect for history thanks to a history teacher who has instilled the love of reading about the past. He brought to life a subject that will help them along the way. He tells stories about the past in a way that becomes real and interesting.
Have you had a teacher who did that for you? Or a mentor that is there for you now? Did you read a book that helped you blossom? Did you have an old neighbor who in some way helped you grab on to a love for a sport, gardening, or hobby?
And to think of all the institutions each person will encounter in life is awesome. The impact of each establishment will form an imprint on that child. Their local church, park district, or camp will develop a piece of their puzzle. To think of all the places, people, books, and cultural modes one has experienced in their lifespan is mind boggling.
So what do you wish to experience? Who do you want to connect with to fill in your living puzzle? What part of yourself needs refinement? Do you want to travel? Do you want to read more or watch more movies? Do you need to enhance a color or develop vitality in one arena? With Easter around the corner and the newness of Spring all around, what will you take away and embrace.
Build your beautiful puzzle by embracing your experiences. Let your light shine for others to see. Enjoy your day and remember to “Delight in Living”.