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Hello Friends! Welcome to Mini Miracle from Minor Moments. This is your host Linda Gullo. I treasure the small things in life, the encounters with people, and even the struggles that often bring us insight. Each week I bring you a theme and thought provoking stories for these 10 to 15 minute episodes. They are based on simple ideas with upbeat and hopeful encouraging tidbits for you to take along. You can contact me through the website, www.lindagullo.com Please note that gullo is spelled g-u-l-l-o
So today I want to talk with you about what you don’t see behind the daily struggles of many people. Back in 1991 when my husband had a terrible accident, it was apparent that things were out of place to say the least. I use some of these as examples. I am sure you have your own. But in spite of it all, there are resolutions that come in mini miracle form.
People saw me going in and out of the house. They’d ask the question how’s it going? I knew they were being polite; it is like saying how are you, but not expecting the person to tell you. I’d tell them the most recent issue in an abbreviated form and go on with the task at hand. Usually it was traveling to and from work or picking up children.
But what they didn’t see was all of the other frustrations behind the scenes. I think you will appreciate this sharing because I know you have had similar experiences in your families. To the outside world you look pretty together, but behind the scenes, you may have family members with a bad attitude or being really contrary. We all know that people with bad attitudes can widdle down the strongest of people. We also know some people are so tolerant and compliant. Well at this time I think were all flustered. Everyone was being self centered and not functioning well as a family at all!
Petey’s pillow was this Bunny. He’d drag it to the door when, he was left alone. The ribbon about the Bunny’s neck ended up a mess.
Immediately following the 10 weeks my husband was in the hospital lots was dark in the house. There was an incredible loneliness that every family member was feeling. We were all so weak, tired, and wanted things to go back to normal. It wasn’t happening and never did return. We had to discover and recreate a new normal.
One of our kids was always breaking curfews. That resulted in a lack of trust and fear. Where was that child? Why were they being so resistant? We weren’t eating together as a family. We were eating here, there, and everywhere. I wasn’t sleeping well, because I was acting like a 24/7 cop. Every day seemed to set me back. I had fear and frustration building. I found it hard to pray. The miracles came from people praying for us. There was no “get out of jail free card”, but time was healing and small things were changing in our favor.
After the initial rallying around us, many of our friends disappeared. While I understood that they had their own issues, yet I did not know who to talk with or how to share the feelings inside of me.
I have heard since then that this is true for most people after a crisis, that is why I am a counselor. While I can empathize or affirm the reality about many things, I also have distant enough to have some clarity and possible tools to resolve things. People want to disengage and get on with their own life; it is too depressing to be with those in need.
I think that is why Mother Teresa was such an example for us. She did what none of us want to do. She held the hands of people we couldn’t. It just tells us that we all have skills and things we can do. We can’t be a Mother Teresa of Calcutta, but we can help others in their Calcutta and we must go out of our way too.
So back to our family. Whenever we were all together, there was tension and no real conversation. It was the fear that one has after a death. No one wants to talk about the changes going on in the family and yet everyone wants to talk about the changes and how to manage them. My husband lost his sense of humor and was no longer talkative; he was in constant pain. Phantom pain lingered, nerve endings were jarred. He was unable to concentrate. The medicine he was taking gave him other problems with digesting his food. He couldn’t sleep, nor hear, nor see well.
The kids stayed kept busy. They didn’t bring their friends home. The house was dull. We were dull and so very serious. Dad was start lecturing and I would get nervous and sad too. I began to volunteer my time and decided to go back to school. Both were wonderful ways to keep positive.
Our happy days had gone poof so in desperation we brought in a dog. A silly, fun loving, frisky dog with two floppy ears and a personality! At only 10 weeks, he was indeed a comic. His name was Petey. He warmed the house with his laughable and clumsy body. It was bigger than he was coordinated. The best part was that he would slowly walk next to my husband around the fenced in yard while Tony recovered from paralysis. I guess it gave both of them time to be together. The dog was never alone and neither was my husband.
The kids seemed to enjoy him too. My son carried him like a lamb on his shoulders; my daughter dressed him up and babied him.
While I was back teaching at school, the lengthy drive was wearing on me. I fell asleep at a traffic stop early one morning. It was just a split second when the car behind honked and got me going. It was a wakeup call of a different sort. And so I returned to being a full time wife and mother, while we all tried to reaclimate. While my being at home seemed to make things more comfortable; we missed the salary that we so needed. Financial strain increased while our savings decreased.
Today, the dog we currently have now is my meditation partner. She sits next to me and acts as a calming agent. Did you know that the Latin root of medicine means “to remedy”. She is my medicine on many days when things get stressful. Well I think she helps me heal from daily stresses and this week there have been quite a few. Let me share a few of them.
My business checking account was frozen due to someone trying to hack it. The ripple effect caused me aggravation and discontent!
Then yesterday, I was at a religious gift store and backed into a fragile display of statues. Yup, they came tumbling down and 2 broke. No one was hurt, but I felt horrible.
We all have our list of things that go on behind the scenes. Every family needs help in some way. But one of the problems is that when things go wrong we isolate ourselves out of embarrassment. We are suddenly aren’t receiving the feedback that we so genuinely need.
Until next week, stay true to yourself. Recognize the good people around you, the small joys that carry you forward, and the laughable moments. Bye!